why aren’t you breastfeeding?

There is a lot of buzz about this ridiculous question sent to The Alpha Parent recently:

“I feel awkward around formula feeders. I don’t know where to look. Is it okay to look at their baby? Is it okay to ask them why they don’t breastfeed, or when they stopped? What’s the etiquette? Any chance you could help with these questions? I’m not being weird, I’m genuinely curious.”

I would have linked her to a wikipedia article on “social convention” or “manners” or something else equally obvious, but a real discussion ensued about if its cool to ask moms why they aren’t breastfeeding. Of course that isn’t anyones damn business, so I am trying to come up with good combacks for sanctimonious NCBers who do feel compelled to ask:


1. Well…honestly?  I lost my nipples in the war *stare stoically into the distance*

2. My pediatrician said a double dose of vaccines is just as good as breastfeeding.

3. If you read your bible you would know its a sin (if they ask which part, say Leviticus).

4. We do usually, but our wet nurse doesn’t like to breastfeed in public, so…

5. I would, but making cheese out of my breastmilk is so profitable…


1. I formula feed so that you can keep feeling superior.

2. I wanted to ruin the bond I had with my baby, and this was by far the easiest way.

3. Well it is insanely easy for everyone, and never painful, so I guess I don’t have a good reason.

4. I hate my baby, obviously.

Counter with another inappropriate question:

1. I need to know if you are on your period before I tell you. (can sub any condition or disease here for period)

2.  How much money do you make?

3. When was your last bowel movement? How did it go?



1. How dare you question how I feed my child!

2. None of your business. Ever.


These are the best I could come up with. Add your own!

4 thoughts on “why aren’t you breastfeeding?”

  1. “Why don’t you have common courtesy? Perhaps your mother didn’t teach you any.”

    “I wanted my child to survive infancy.”

  2. Lol. I LOVE “I lost my nipples in the war.” I’m totally saying that if anyone ever asks me why I’m giving my baby a bottle.

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